The past few weeks have been a complete and total
With the end of one month and beginning of another, I found myself drowning in paperwork, deadlines and general ‘To Do List’ drudgery.
I just couldn’t seem to catch my breath.
There was a light at the end of the tunnel. I was so excited to volunteer for
event this year. The Melting Pot is the largest (FREE) Pagan event in Houston. Hundreds of Pagans, Witches, Covens and Kin all gather to learn, share knowledge and have a amazing heathen celebration that would make our ancestors proud.
A few weeks before the event, I was informed that my knowledge and experience with Tarot cards would be put on display, for the entire Pagan community.
Here’s the thing, I love Tarot cards, I really do, but I normally downright refuse to read for others.
Lets be honest, I really do not want to know the inner most private things about your life. Some things are deeply personal. So it should be your choice as my client, to tell me or to keep slamming that closet door shut and pocketing the key.
Can we all agree that Tarot has a tendency to be an awkward
encounter that drags every single skeleton out of every last closet, seats them right at the table, cross legged, begging to be acknowledged.
I have another issue with Tarot that is not so simple
I can actually see what happened to you in your past
There have only been a handful of times in my life that this has occurred, without a deck of cards in front of me, but each left me emotionally and physically drained. Yet every single time I read for someone, this “ability” kicks in full force and I find myself struggling to keep up.
It is very difficult to read for others and be a successful third party adviser when I not only see but also fully embody the actual event; weather it is drug addiction, rape or a personal life crisis. Everything you experience becomes my own.
But, I decided to shove all of my fears, doubts and worries into the back of my own closet of neatly stacked skeletons.
I would make the most of this experience. Dammit.
Now, I have to admit, The Melting Pot event was absolutely amazing! With workshops, classes, rituals and even a Pagan Scout troop- it was a helluva heathen celebration indeed! I read Tarot cards non stop from the time I arrived until the final ritual ended, with only one potty break in between.
The reaction from every single client was a mixture of surprise, joy and gratitude. I was able to help so many people open up, release and acknowledge the past trauma that still plagues their current life.
I, on the other hand, was a total emotional wreck.
My body hurt, my head hurt, my everything hurt. I don’t think I have ever been more physically and emotionally drained in my entire life. When I went home, I knew something was ‘off’ other than the exhaustion from volunteering all day. I had not only cleared the endless trauma of every client I read for, I had attached every last bit of it to me.
I immediately ran to my altar and started digging for supplies. I had to get cleansed and grounded and I had to do it fast. Holding on to your own negative energy is terrible, holding on to the negative energy and past trauma of 50+ people is insane. I started the ritual and began diligently working to release all of the pent up negative energy I had accumulated throughout the day.
After closing the circle, I made my way outdoors. With the warmth of the beautiful Moon Goddess shining down on me, I snuggled into the soft grass. I focused on sending any excess energy to Gaia, so that she could cleanse, purify and transform it.
As I laid there, meditating on the days events, I wondered why I had been so afraid. I had spent the day reaching out to those in need, helping others in ways they weren’t able to help them self and honoring the abilities I hold within me.
Even though I didn’t shield myself at all and even though I attracted every single ounce of negativity from every person I encountered, I was still OK.
I was more than OK.
My fears began to vanish and the emptiness was replaced with gratitude. I was grateful for who I am. I was grateful for my ability to help others.
As I laid there, with the Moon Goddess watching over me, and Gaia’s strength supporting me, I opened the door and watched as the Goddesses transformed every last skeleton I had carefully hidden away.
Vegan Pagan Yogi's 